I'd like to Mash

Monsters are streaming into the building in which I work. Luckily, I am one poured concrete floor away from their snotty, shrieking, costumed beings. I can see them through the window, though, meandering in to the "haunted" house I was part of my first year here. No one warned me how gory and yet lame it would be. I'd done haunted houses before -- back in college, we used the music building. Somehow, I always ended up in the Loonie bin.

But, back to the monsters. Back in college I didn't hate them. A few years ago, I didn't, either. But I have had to work with one for the past five months. I don't have the patience to be a parent. Hence, I am not one. I also do not work in a primary school, nor a daycare. I do occasionally have to speak to school groups. I don't know how teachers do field trips -- the whole time I was out there, I kept expecting one monster to push another into traffic. Blood, gore, death, wailing parents....yeah, not cut out for that.

Please, someone, tell me why evolution has not yet installled mute buttons on children?