Come on Eileen

I swear; What I mean.

The check is in the mail; tomorrow’s mail.
I’ll love you forever; or at least until we get redressed.
I’m separated, too; my wife & kids are at home and I’m out partying.
You were great honey; now roll over and go to sleep so I can get busy with my vibrator.
Of course they are real; real silicone.
I’m staying at a friend’s house tonight; my friend isn’t home.
You look great!; Compared to roadkill.
I'll call you later; Sometime before I die.
You all are so creative; But we are doing it my way.

It's Monday and my brain isn't functioning all that well; I don't feel like thinking. Please feel free to add more to the comments, I probably will; but nothing funnier than mine.