Waterfalls

I have the cutest niece. She turned two last fall and we had a birthday party for her at an indoor water park.. It was so much fun. We played in the kiddy pool. We played in the "worm" pool. The worm pool is actually a hot tub. She just pronounces warm, worm. Cute. She went down the little kiddy slides, we played under the raining mushroom, we kicked around a beach ball. Her dad took her down the big slides. She had a blast.

As we are getting ready to leave, my brother asks me why I haven’t gone down any of the water slides. Well, I had never gone down a water slide. Yep, 44 years old and had never gone down a water slide. I have led a very sheltered life. He says I should do it. I say, well, okay.

So, I hand him my glasses. He and the niece go take a seat near the end of the line and wait for me to slide on down. I walk the stairs to the top. Read the sign on how to do this - no easy task without the glasses. And proceed. I get in the tube. I lay back, cross my feet at the ankles and cross my arms over my chest.....here I go! This is fun! Why haven’t I done this before? Oh wait, Oh Fuck, I’m really picking up speed. Shit.... I hate gravity right now. Guess I'll never be an Olympic bobsledder. I go around a curve and flip. Right over onto my stomach. I smack my nose on the slide, I’m positive it’s bleeding. I am now sure that I am going to die. I manage to get myself back over onto my back just in time to splash into the pool. Oh thank God.

I get out of the pool and I’m pretty sure, my brother has never been laughing harder. I’m so happy to be alive and not bleeding and all that. I’m also pretty sure he was trying to kill me. When he finally calms down enough to speak, I ask him what’s so funny. He just has three little words for me: Crash Test Dummy. And then the laughter starts right back up. Good thing my niece is so cute, or I may not be speaking to him anymore. Turns out I should not have been laying down, that by sitting up, I would have gone slower. Might have had a better first experience. And brother says he really had never seen quite so much flailing. I'm just happy to be alive.

Oh - and probably the best part. . . I WILL do this again.