Each week a song title will be chosen as a theme. Here's where you blog it. And probably get it stuck in your head.....

31 August 2006

Without You

We’ve been together a long, long time. You are always there when I need you, but it’s time for us to part ways. You make me feel good. I love being with you. But, you aren’t good for me. I feel that my dependance on you has grown too strong. I need to find other, healthier forms of comfort and support. Keeping you in my life is costing me too much. I realize the pain I will go through after you are gone will be severe. I know there will be times when I will long to hold you, feel you, enjoy you. There will be times I see you with others and wish that was me. But eventually, this will pass. I’ll miss you, my friend. Take care.

In case you are wondering....I'm giving up pop. I have about 7 cans of diet coke at home....then no more.....

30 August 2006

It's All My Fault

In the major relationships I've had, the end of 75% of them were my fault. To attempt to insure clean breaks, I've moved three times. For those attempting a clean break and moving away to a new life, a piece of advice: it's really best to end the relationship BEFORE the move. Seems like common sense and yet.....

Okay, the reasons I moved had nothing to do with the relationships in question. But in all cases, I choose moving and a new direction over the relationship. I made a few big decisions early on based on my presumption that high school "love" was meant to last. They all turned out okay, even though I ended up at a great school that was way too close to home, but I always wished I'd made those decisions for different reasons. From then on out, I figured I needed to decide what I wanted first and then see what happened next.

I guess I figure things this way: I don't really have a plan for my life. But I do have goals and things I want to do. When opportunity presents itself, I want to move across the country if that's what seems the next logical step.

Some people say that's selfish and cold-hearted. I think it's realistic.

I understand that compromise is key to making a relationship work. But too often, I see friends interpreting "compromise" as "doing anything to avoid being alone." Fuck that.

When you realize at that crucial decision-making cusp that what you want and what your current partner wants are two different things, you may as well go your own way and be happy about it. I'd rather be lonely now than resentful and a horrible bitch later.

The way I see it, I have to be honest about what I want out of life and go from there. Personal relationships are important. They can be worth compromise and sacrifice -- but only when the two people involved are on the same page. If you want the same things and are building toward those things, sometimes it's worth it to "take one for the team."

Maybe some day I will find a person with whom I'd be willing (and happy) to take a 12-hour road trip, or get lost in Laos, or want to choose paint colors for a kitchen --- a person with whom I could have a relationship worth compromising between what I want and what we want, because the "we" part of the equation works. Maybe some day.

But for now?

I'm single.

It's all my fault.
And I'm not sorry.

28 August 2006

Happy Birthday Tug!!!

Improvised Theme

Blog #7 of last week's TT post.

24 August 2006

I'm Bad At Math

so you get a Thursday 14.

My 14 favorite songs on 24 August 2006, in non-specific order

1. Never Leave Your Heart Alone, Butterfly Boucher
2. Speedway, Morrissey
3. The Long Way Around, The Dixie Chicks
4. Clarity, John Mayer
5. Portions for Foxes, Rilo Kiley
6. There is a Light that Never Goes Out, The Smiths
7. It's All My Fault (But I'm Not Sorry), The Megan Slankard Band
8. Poles Apart, Pink Floyd
9. Cold Beer and Remote Control, Indigo Girls
10. Whatever I Fear, Toad the Wet Sprocket
11. Hold You Down, Jump
12. Perfect Blue Buildings, Counting Crows
13. Apocalyptic Love Song, Groovelily
14. Caring is Creepy, The Shins

Cooth's 13 Favorite Songs

1. Smooth - Santana with Rob Thomas
2. Night Moves - Bob Seger
3. Maggie May - Rod Stewart
4. Hooked on a Feeling - BJ Thomas
5. Fast as You - Dwight Yoakam
6. Follow You Down - Gin Blossoms
7. Without You - Dixie Chicks
8. Lido Shuffle - Boz Scaggs
9. Till it Shines - Bob Seger
10. I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues - Elton John
11. The Long & Winding Road - The Beatles
12. If This is It - Huey Lewis & The News
12. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John

23 August 2006

13 All-Time Favorite Songs (subject to change by the mood)

1. Piano Man - Billy Joel
2. What's Up - 4 Non Blondes
3. Save Tonight - Eagle Eye Cherry
4. Make Me Lose Control - Eric Carmen
5. I Try - Macy Gray
6. The Dance - Garth Brooks
7. Faithfully - Journey
8. Funeral For a Friend - Elton John
9. Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel
10. Bad Day - Daniel Powter
11. The Unforgiven - Metallica
12. Hate Me - Blue October
13. Any song from the Crossroad CD - Bon Jovi

in no particular order...

18 August 2006

I Like Group Things

Since all of us have gotten into the whole Thursday Thirteen thang, I was thinking. How's about next Thursday, in addition to or instead of doing one on our own blogs, let's do a group thing. Let's all post our 13 favorite songs. You've got 5.5 days to think about it.

17 August 2006

Looking for Myself....out there

For what I've done with my life, I've moved around a lot. I mean, I'm not in the military -- and neither were my parents. I am not a travel writer or an ambassador or a journalist. I do love to travel, true, and I could quickly and easily become obsessed with traveling -- did it not require so damn much money. But living somewhere is different. You are not a visitor. You are a part of the sense of place.

Moving to a new town is like starting a new relationship. Dating is the exploratory stage, discovering what your new town has to offer. Things get "serious" as you establish regular patterns of use and movement through space -- a route to your job, favorite grocery store, regular restaurant.

And honestly, at that point, the metaphor dies. So be it. Not all of them are meant to live on in infamy.

And we are not meant to live forever, either. We are not to know the number of our days. So, without being able to plan for a specific end, yet knowing that life is finite, we must choose how to live. And honestly, having a "best friend always looking out for you" isn't a bad way.

I keep miles of personal space between me and other people. I have been this way as long as I can remember. And when I do let people in, I take their problems personally, their frustrations personally. I am not good at separating. While my belief system holds with shades of grey, my relationships with people don't tend to. When people I count as friends are unhappy, and I am, as usual, powerless to effect any change for the better......well, it is unpleasant to me.

The relationships we choose to have do, at some level, define us, whether you believe in the Confucian matrix of self or not.

And yet, at the core, are we not each still looking for ourselves in here?

16 August 2006

I LOVE this song.

Truly, I do. I heard it this morning, and cranked the music up. In reading the lyrics, I see myself here. weird. I've sung along with it forever, but never really paid attention. I've been in (more) contact with an ex lately, and this just hits.home. Things to think about...... Sometimes I'm ready to land, but sometimes all I wish is that I could fly back into that atmosphere and have that soul vacation. Calgon take me away. With stars.

oh yeah, and I like Train and trains, too. ;-)

Drops of Jupiter

I've always been fascinated by astronomy. When I was in the 5th grade, Santa even knew it and brought me a telescope. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was fun for this small town girl! Well, eventually, I grew up (okay, that is debatable) and went to college. I needed some science credits and voila! There was an astronomy class! It was Meteorology/Astronomy, but I like weather too, so it was the deal for me.

I took this class my last semester if junior college. During this time, I was pregnant. Tb was born with just 5 weeks left in the semester. The final test for the astronomy portion of the class was a bugger. The prof had pictures of constellations, we had to name them. I suck at stuff like that. So, evenings were spent with baby and constellations. I had a nifty little book (required for the class) that was probably about 4 x 6 inches in size. Tb bonded with the book. When he was old enough to pick out the toys he took with, that book went everywhere. It was cute. He never once asked me to read it, but he always seemed to enjoy looking at the pictures.

Well, now little Tb is all grown up and heading to college. He's gonna need some science credits and his first science class? Astronomy.

*****Just found this book at a bargain books site. $1.99. It's on it's way to my house..... :o)

Fried Chicken

Is it bad that for Spence's birthday we got fried chicken from the local joint?

Does the fact that we went out for Sushi over the weekend and got hammered make up for it?


11 August 2006

Mad World

It is a mad world. And to be honest with myself, I'm angry at it. I wish I could say that this is some anti-terrorist rant, but honestly, I don't think that's the biggest problem we face.

I feel bombarded with the knowledge that people, as a whole, are willing to do some pretty atrocious shit to one another. And that, since many of the decent people in the world feel overwhelmed by that, too many of us bury our heads in the sand and do nothing -- because we don't know what we can do that will help or make a difference.

I know that being a good person has nothing to do with how your life will end up. Being a wonderful human being does not protect you from random acts of violence or terminal illness. Being a good person does not necessarily extend your life. On the flip side, it does make your life richer, more worthwhile. And it does mean that when you go, people will carry you with them.

But what the fuck, people? Is there a reason that we keep blowing each other up or gunning each other down or beating each other up? Are there not enough natural ways to die that we need to create more opportunities? And while we can medically, artificially extend lives, what are we doing to make those lives, and our own, worth having? What are we doing to appreciate what time we have and those we have while they are with us?


**I've been trying ALL.DAMN.DAY to post this - don't know if it's blogger, my internet connection, or what. But here it is - I didn't desert you either Meg.

Ms. Meg gives us the option of 2 songs, and still - I got nothin'. I have NEVER been a fan of the Wizard of Oz...at.all. Although I have quoted the "if I only had a brain" dude on NUMEROUS occasions. (that word doesn't look right, & I spell checked) For myself, and others. Dorothy's annoying, the munchkins get on every last nerve, and I have never watched this all the way through; never will. So let me just say this:


Megalicious Week 2

Can anyone say Rut?

Okay, it seems we really need to shake it up around here so I'm changing the rules for this week... keep reading.

The song: Drops of Jupiter by Train.

The rules... anything goes. Thing you can do to meet your obligation (and yes this goes for me too):

  • A picture
  • A poem
  • A quote
  • A short story
  • Fiction something or other
  • Non fiction
Use your immagination. For crying out loud, this song refers to Fried Chicken. We've gotta be able to come up with SOMETHING.

09 August 2006

Defying Gravity

As a teenager and young(er) woman, I always felt cheated because I have small breasts. Yep, without a bra, I look like a 12-year-old fat boy. And to make them look even smaller, I have these wide good-for-birthing-babies hips. I am your classic pear-shaped woman. But this post is not about whining (for once).

So, to all you small breasted women out there, I have good news for you. When you hit middle-age, you will still have perky up-where-they-belong boobs. I belong to a gym, so I have seen a lot of naked middle-aged women. I am so happy to belong to the itty-bitty-titty-committee. I’m damned proud, in fact. Mine will never be anywhere near my navel. And with the help of a padded bra, I am able to overcome the 12 year-old boy thing. So keep your chin up, cuz most likely, your boobs will stay up there too.

07 August 2006

Week 1 from your dear sunshiny friend Meg also a way for me to prove my dorkdom for all of eternity

Defying Gravity (from the Musical Wicked)

(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for
once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever!

I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy, too
I hope you're proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy right now

(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:
(sung) You can still be with the Wizard
What you've worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted:

(spoken) I know:
(sung) But I don't want it -
No - I can't want it

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

Can't I make you understand?
You're having delusions of grandeur:

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together.

(sung) Unlimited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been
Glinda -
Dreams, the way we planned 'em

If we work in tandem:

There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

They'll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this

(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABASo if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

I hope you're happy!

Look at her, she's wicked!
Get her!

:Bring me down!

No one mourns the wicked
So we've got to bring her



Mad World (Cover by Gary Jules, that's the one I like, it was also done by Tears for Fears, only they sucked)

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

All About My Obsessions

Okay, I know I’m running a wee bit (read: a LOT) late, and I’m very sorry. But in my defense, I really had no idea that it was my month…. like I can remember an email from months ago… The theme for the month is all about my obsessions. Like, the songs that I listen to over and over and over again when no one is listening too. I’m also giving 2 (or at least that’s my intention) because it seems that we have a little difficulty coming up with something intelligent or witty to say about the one posted.

06 August 2006


Did anyone tell the ever-busy Meg that August was her month?


I guess that I'm supposed to just want to have fun. I don't know. I want more out of life than just fun, but the fun should be the spice, right?

And yet....

I am not at all unhappy with where my life is at the moment. But to be truthful? There is not a whole lot of fun in it.

This town is bizarre. Demographically, I'm out of my element. The other people my age, the few that still live here, are all married, many of them to their high school sweethearts, and they're all having kids. I know that I would know more people if I either belonged to a church or had kids. But I'm not religious, at least not in an organized way, and I have no intention of using the ovaries that I was born with (and that make me a girl -- I am keeping to the theme here). So I have but a very few people that I call friends. And they are all at least 12 years older than I am and have children and have other concerns in life than I do.

I have other friends. They all live many miles away. The people I used to have crazy fun with in college do not live within a day's drive of where I currently am. And I made and live with that choice, happily. But occasionally? A girl feels a bit lonely.

In an ideal world, my fun would consist of movies, book discussions, current issues debates, some cooking, a little drinking, and some sheer randomness. I do get all of the above, but much of it alone. And no on the book discussions, since I'm generally the only one reading whatever I'm reading (currently: Monstrous Regiment, Terry Pratchett, who always cracks me up).

As much as I enjoy my time alone, a few things are more fun with other people. And, no, Susan, you don't have to go there.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun


Function: noun
Etymology: English dialect fun to hoax, perhaps alteration of Middle English fonnen, from fonne dupe
1 : what provides amusement or enjoyment; specifically : playful often boisterous action or speech

I used to have fun. I actually used to BE fun. What happened??? I want to go back. Now.

Right now, my life consists of a full-time job, a part-time job and school. My "adult" son moved out and moved back. So, I'm a single parent again. (okay, that didn't really ever end, but it was nice to live alone for a couple of months)

But way back when....there was fun. I used to play trivia and drink excessively every Friday night at a local bar with my friends. We had a team, the Crotchless Panties. We were actually pretty good. And it was fun. I used to be on a bowling league. I wasn't much good. But it was a night out and it was fun.

Nowadays, fun is having an extra few minutes of sleep, having time to prepare a real meal, having a clean desk, getting belly from Sullivan, eating footlong corn dogs and corn on a stick on a nice summer day, finding a few extra minutes to blog, just to name a few.

Fun. I should will make fun more of a priority in my life. Right now, I feel so stressed out and pulled in so many different directions. I don't normally let stress get to me this much. It just seems it is coming at me fast and furious. Over the course of the next 7 days, I will have two free days off from my real job, I have next weekend off from my crap job. That means only 3 days of work. 4 days to de-stress. breathe. get out of town. ahhhhhhhhhhhh. fun. I'm a girl and I just wanna have fun.

01 August 2006

Muhahahaha! Like a Virgin?

I'm a totally sucky blogger buddy because I've been totally MIA and yet y'all strive to give me a giggle fit? Like a virgin? Ha! Since the jokes about my lack of virginity just aren't that funny, and I'm exhausted and I've been working from home since 7 and it's now 10:30 and I'M NOT DONE YET, I'm going to leave you all with only one question.

Is Madonna, or is she not, the worst actress on the face of the earth?

The woman couldn't even pull off pretending to be a virgin for a 3 minute music video.

Yes, girls just wanna have fun!

This song is the ringer on my cell phone - sometimes I need reminding that life IS fun, but for the most part, I know it is. Ways I like to have fun - some silly, some fun, in no order whatsoever (& absolutely not a complete list!):
1. No-brainer. Talk to K & hear about her work stories or cows eating her new sod for breakfast, talk to the grandkids who always make me laugh.
2. Surround yourself with friends. (I need to work on this one here)
3. Totally go overboard when filling out comment cards for good service at restaurants & bars. (*insert server's name here* FOR PRESIDENT!! *server* ROCKS!! Give *server* A RAISE/PROMOTION!!)
4. Take a drive & see towns/ attractions you haven't seen around you - totally playing the tourist & not caring what anyone around you thinks. (Taking your time at dinner at the Stanley Hotel hoping ghosts will join you for after dinner drinks).
5. You & a good friend do a spanky sandwich dance with some young thing on his 21st birthday.
6. Watch my nephews/grandkids sporting events.
7. Schwann's ice cream sandwiches for breakfast.
8. The 'List'. With a very good friend.
9. Have some young stud you haven't seen in about 5 years go out of his way just to see you & "reconnect" (missing out on that day with friends he hasn't seen in months).
10. Volunteer. It's not always happy, but it is fun in the way that I always feel SO good, even after a hell day. Feeling good is FUN.